I am making a giant vat of cookie dough right now. Because when it rains, it pours. And when it pours, make cookie dough and eat it by the spoonful. So while I indulge in sweet smelling baked goods, let me impart some other bits of wisdom brought on through anger of my car's tire breaking... for the third time. And learning the people who fixed my brakes broke the bolts. And waiting outside in 100 degree heat for 2 hours.
When life gives you lemons, heave 'em back at life's face and chuck in a couple of your own.
Don't cry over split milk. Instead, lose it in front of everyone while you rock yourself in a corner covering your ears and squeezing your eyes shut. Then cry. It's much more dramatic and wins far more sympathy.
If you spill salt, remember to toss some over your left shoulder to ward off bad luck. Plus, you may get someone in the eye. Nothing helps a bad mood more than passing it on to someone else.
The second you take off your sandals to walk around in the grass barefoot to wait for the taxi to take your sweaty-from-the-heat ass home and abandon your car at work (praying it doesn't get vandalized in some way), that will be the moment you step on the apricot pit you forgot you discarded only mere moments ago.
And because it's funny, to the vegetarians I say this; red meat is not bad for you. Smelly, old, greenish-brown meat is.
That has nothing to do with bad things, but damn it, it makes me smile a bit. As does this following joke. What is a robot's tongue made of?
Wait for it...
Tungsten! Get it!?
Anywhose, cheers everybody. Will do my best to post something more substantial and less angry tomorrow. I'm going to brood over how to pay for all this car repair with my cookie dough now.
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